So this story begins when we meet Trainer “my bangs are as long as my dick” Gold and he is just a really pervy ten year old ok? But whatever, what’s important is that this ginger bitch steals something and nearly breaks some random guy’s spine. Gold, naturally, only cares about the fact that he MAY have stolen his backpack so he vows to pound this ambiguously gendered emo’s face into pudding. Literally nothing else happens between them except Gold being a petty ass bitch. Anyway then we get Señorita Thunder Thighs, who proceeds to attempt to kick everything causing her problems. She’s a badass and a Mom so she’s got no bad qualities but she’s apparently not too strong bc…. plot and shit. She gets depressed and we get our first taste of abusive parenting. Spicy. Anyway, there’s this masked dude who is so obviously this OTHER creepy old dude, but seeing as Johto’s combined intelligence is comparable to that of an overripe banana, no one figures it out. Gym leaders fight, Yellow is there I think, and Pryce reveals he’s a massive dickwad. Shitty motive….. still child abuse. The other appear, side characters get a moment to shine, teashipping proves to be the only pure and good ship in the entire franchise, and Gold dies. Blue conquers her fear by capturing literal gods and Green tries to arrest a literal child, but who cares about that Gold actually isn’t dead and he’s a Daddy now.
ringsabel 